Of Clothing and Social Etiquette
by TheOneYouCallWe
Summary: Brennan needs help with something. However, Brennan also doesn’t know social etiquette all that well. BoothxBrennan. HodginsxAngela. One-sided-sort-of-AngelaxBrennan. Slight ZackxBrennan. Humor. Fluff. Un-beta’d!


Of Clothing and Social Etiquette

Summary: Brennan needs help with something. However, Brennan also doesn't know social etiquette all that well. BoothxBrennan. HodginsxAngela. One-sided-sort-of-AngelaxBrennan. Slight ZackxBrennan. Humor. Fluff. Un-beta'd!

Ramblings: Although it may obviously seem it, this is **not** my first BONES fic, yeah? I've been working on one for the past few months, so uh…yeah. Also, I'm not too big on the ending, but I really had fun with this one.

Notes: Fluff. PartiallyNude!Brennan. Eastern clothing. Un-beta'd. Zacky. Slightlylesbian!Angela. Weird word tenses.

* * *

"Doctor Addy!" Her voice rings obscenely loud in the near-empty—save for stragglers and drones—lab, dragging not only Zack's, but Saroyan's _and_ Angela's attention straight towards her. "I require your assistance with a pressing matter." Her hands are stationed on her hips in a demanding posture, so of course, nothing appears out of the ordinary—except that she has no clothes on.

Yes, Doctor Temperance Brennan, quite likely the most intelligent woman in the world, was standing in the middle of the lab, with no clothes on, save for some very frilly undergarments hand-picked by Angela.

God only knew what the hell she wanted.

She appears angry and stern, but it was awfully difficult to take her seriously when she had _nothing on,_ giving everyone in the vicinity a wondrous view of her ample…cleavage.

Angela had never been so grateful for Hodgins until then.

Zack, in his poor, autistic naivité, just gawks openly, until a very, _very_ mortified Camille shuts his mouth with an audible 'click.' He flushes furiously, and if anyone didn't know any better, he may have looked like an adorable teenager blushing (he was just cute like that).

Angela was the one to finally try and 'clear the air.' "Um, honey?" She sighed/coughed subtlely, her gaze continuously dropping to the lacy garments Tempy was wearing. "Maybe _I_ should…help you. With…you know. The girl stuff." Dropped gaze. "And things." Another dropped gaze that _stays_ dropped.

Brennan's expression changed into one of confusion. "But Angela," Angela's eyes finally jerk back up to Brennan's with a subtle 'whuh?,' "I require the assistance of one whom I have no sexual attraction with whatsoever, and who is not attracted to me either. Doctor Addy appears to meet the criteria." She looked over to Zack's blushing face and muttered, "or used to, at least."

Angela sighs to herself, wondering at her best friend's social denseness. "Sweetie, listen to me." Brennan's attention whips back to her. "Zacky's a guy. With hormones. _Straight_ hormones. He likes girls— "

_"Women."_ Brennan corrected.

Angela rolled her eyes. "—women, whatever. Same thing." She immediately raised a hand to quell Tempy's attempt at an explanation of puberty, and adolescence, and whatnot, already (obviously) knowing the story. "You're a woman. A very…_pretty _woman, if I do say so myself. Of _course_ he's going to be attracted." Her hands were on Tempy's shoulders, and she mentally patted herself on the back for keeping her _own_ hormones in line. "You'd have to find someone asexual before trying anything like…whatever the hell it is you're trying."

"Such as a Tao or Buddhist monk?"

"Sweetie, even a Buddhist _monk_ would break his vows of celibacy for you." Angela winked a little, immediately cursing her stupidity at mildly flirting with her best friend. Thankfully however, Brennan tended to be very…thick.

Frustrated, Brennan crossed her arms over her chest, only pushing her cleavage more to the other. As she contemplated her options, she failed to notice how Zack's blush intensified, Angela pointedly staring at an oh-so-interesting crack in the wall, or how Saroyan appeared to want to kill herself. "So…" The three looked back at her, alarmed at her uncommonly meek demeanor. "There's nothing I can do?"

"That depends. What are you trying to do?"

"Change into a sari."

Angela's eyebrows rose to her finely-manicured hairline. "What, that's it? A sari?" Feet from her, Saroyan sighed to herself in defeat, waving goodbye to the scene; the blood drained from Zack's face as he set himself to work again, barely even noticing when Hodgins came out shouting, then gawking, then shaking himself back into life. He mumbled something to himself about 'Conformist conspiracies,' but no one ever listens.

In their small embarrassed corner however, things were still somewhat awkward. In a flash of defensive emotions barely seen or shown on Tempy's face, she quickly became angry. "It's more difficult than one is led to believe." There was a very subtle edge to her voice that only she, her family, and Booth could ever pick up on. Angela rolled her eyes heavenward. "I'm not saying it isn't, it's just…did you have to come out naked?"

Again Brennan was confused. "But I'm not; I considered the option beforehand, but decided that it would draw too much attention. Thus, I decided on a mid-way—my ever-unnecessary undergarments."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"No, I never 'kid.' It's too similar to lying."

"Baby, you'll _always_ attract attention, no matter how many layers you wear—but the more you put on, the less people stare." Smiling comfortingly, she tenderly ran the palm of her hand along Tempy's upper arm, but abruptly stopped when Booth let out a loud, _unintentional_ wolf-whistle.

He stood there calmly in the doorway, quickly finding his shoes very, _very_ interesting, intensely ashamed of how he had acted. Grinning, Angela shoved against Brennan's back, guiding her to the agent, and whispering, "Go get 'em, tiger."

As the ever-confused Brennan calmly and proudly—they should really teach her about social etiquette; this was far too embarrassing—protested "what? But I-I'm not a tiger, I'm a—wait, is this one of those social metaphors, but you know I don't—!" She was silenced by an embarrassed Booth clamping a hand over her mouth and sheepishly moving her—along with him, because you can _never_ drag her into anything—into her office, where they could have some er… 'alone time.'

From behind her approached the ever-humored Hodgins, who laid his fuzzy, walrus-like beard—or tried to, anyways; damn her height!—on her shoulder, smirking into her shoulder. "You got her that sari knowing she'd do something crazy, didn't you?" He chuckled deeply, the action running through both their bodies. She reached behind her, rubbing at his scraggly hair in a slow manner and said softly, "That I did, Hodgy." She giggled quietly as Brennan's and Booth's indignat shouts rang out. "That I did."

_"Plus, I kinda wanted to see her naked."_


End file.
